Let’s be honest.

A lot of times in my Christian walk, it gets so easy to put on this perfect Christian demeanor. To say the right things, but not mean them all of the time. To judge others instead of dealing with the fact that I have my own sin and the fact that I’m not their judge.

So, I’m deciding to get honest. I’m really not the perfect Christian girl.

I don’t cuss, drink, or smoke. I don’t do a lot of the things that are on the “NO” list of Christianity. It’s perfectly fine that I check off all of the good things I do and the bad things that I don’t, but at the end of the day that doesn’t preach the gospel. It preaches religion.

On my blog, I can honestly say I write a lot of truth. But time and time again, the Lord reveals more to me. Like peeling an onion. After each day, there’s more layers, more revelation, and more conviction. I tend to write a lot about girl power, identity, how I’ve been hurt, and words that Jesus has laid on my heart. But, I don’t think I ever write about how I hurt people.

Tonight, I was listening to this amazing podcast about dating. The man who was preaching gave such a rich word. He spoke about how there are two types of relationships between man and woman in the Bible. Brother and sister in Christ and married. That there is no inbetween and one does not get to cross the line of the other. So when you’re dating, you are brother and sister in Christ. You are not married and you do not have ownership over the person, or privileges of a marriage. That when you date someone and it doesn’t work out, you should be able to meet their future spouse one day and be able to say, “I honored him/her.” As I listened to this message, I realized that one day… I won’t be able to say that to someone’s wife. After months of knowing I was wrong in some parts of a past relationship, but really throwing 99% of the blame on him…. It hit me tonight. I’m not this perfect Christian girl.

I think when breakups happen, we end up blaming one person more for the outcome. But really in hindsight, no one is purely innocent. So neither am I. From this situation and this sermon, I’ve learned the lesson that it is wrong to demand that someone text you 24/7. It is wrong to dishonor that person’s purity. It is wrong to hold someone to the responsibilty of completing you, when no one on this earth could possibly ever do that. It is wrong to treat someone as less than a son or daughter of God. And it is a shame that I will not be able to tell his wife that I truly honored him.

But that’s the honest truth. One time, I hurt somebody whether they felt it or not and I’m truly sorry for that. One time, I messed up and I did some things that wouldn’t go well with my “I’m the perfect Christian girl” mask.

I’m not saying that trying to become more like Christ everyday is wrong by any means. In fact, that’s the goal. To look more like Jesus. But there’s a difference in walking in truth and being good at hiding our own faults whilst picking at others. So, here’s to being honest. Here’s to being more authentic, more honoring, and more humble. Here’s to preaching that I am not perfect… that I have done horrible things, but the grace and radical unconditional love that Jesus offers says, “I still love you and I’ve covered that.”

That is the gospel.

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