Tonight, I went through all of my old pictures from high school. While looking through these memories, I started to think that my life was way easier pre-Jesus. That I had a lot more fun and had a larger life before Jesus came on the scene and started cutting away those parts of my heart. As I looked through two years of prom pictures, old messages, and videos of sleep overs with past friend groups, I found myself really wondering if I was happy with where I’m at today, and maybe just maybe if I was missing out on the future that my past could have been. But after fifteen minutes and three haircut mistakes into the time spent on memory lane, I remembered the reality of my past and how much I would have missed if I would have settled for an average lifestyle.
I choose Jesus over my past.
Jesus met me where I didn’t even think I needed His help. Jesus met me in the middle of a life that was so close to being in the right direction that it was miles away from a life of righteousness.
What a good God I have. That He meets me in a place of settling to lift me to a place of living abundantly with Him. I say it a lot, but I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for Jesus. I would’ve missed out on my calling and lived a life filled with a misconception of God and the kind of love that we deserve.
I sound pretty grateful in these last two paragraphs. But the last two hours, and even these past two days, I have been feeling like I don’t know where I’m going in life and if I’m in the right place. I’ve fought with the lie that life with Jesus is just too much work and it’s too hard. That if I would have never gotten saved or gotten saved and just coasted, then life would be much easier and maybe even happier. But, happiness is fleeting based on circumstances. Joy withstands everything. And that’s what I have with Jesus–unshakeable joy.
I may be a junior in college working towards a ministry degree, helping lead a summer internship of kids when I have no idea what I’m doing, broker than a broke college student, and looking at the perfect plan I had for my life when I was sixteen and seeing none of it adding up. I may not know where I’m going or what I’m doing. But I know who I’m doing it with, and I know that He’s got good good plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11).
I would rather run this race with Jesus, feeling tired and worn out at times, than walking in life always searching for completion but instead coming up empty and finding love in all the wrong places.
I choose Jesus over my past every day for the rest of my days.